Document Jive
by daughteralucard
Summary: Ever wonder how Akira found all those crazy characters to star in his manga/anime? Ever wonder what it is like back stage? All these questions and more answered in a twisted humored fashion! If you have a question just ask!


HOW DID IT HAPPEN!! I don't own dbz yadda yadda yadda and all that jazz. This is a list of places where they found the characters for dragonball z!!! Anyone who takes this seriously must be pretty simple minded FYI.

As you know the Characters in DBZ are a rather unique bunch. But what are they like back stage and how did they get to be on the show? All your questions will be answered and all your answers will be questioned!

Bulma

_In a large dressing room decorated completely in orange is Bulma Briefs. The heiress to Capsule Corp. Blue hair, blue eyes, and soft skin. We venture into the nightmare that is her dressing room but before we enter we will first look at her history._

…..(Flashback before dbz)………

Standing on the street corner was a girl with pink hair, a blue revealing tank top, a very short jean skirt, and black high heels. She took her usually spot next to the night club that the writers of dbz often go for a jive and a completely nerdy conversation while hot prostitutes seduce them in hopes of getting payed.

"Hey baby," said Akira Toriyama, the man who wanted to start a manga/anime series but he just didn't have the characters yet, "what's your name." The pink haired girl smiled at him like a cat.

"Bulma Briefs," she said leaning closer.

"You're one hot bitch."

"I'm sorry, but, did you just call me a bitch!" Bulma tore herself from the writer and threw a shot glass hitting him in the head. "HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME LIKE THAT! I AM A LADY JUST TRYING TO MAKE IT IN THE WORLD! WHAT DO YOU KNOW OF STRUGGLING YOU SELF RIGHTIOUS ASSWHOLE!"

That was it, Akira Toriyama had to have her and told her so.

"OH GO FIND SOME SKANK TO HANG AROUND I DON'T NEED THIS SHIT YOU FUCKTARD!"

"Fucktard?"

"YOU HEARD ME!!"  
Bulma was hired on the spot. However, she would not come so quietly thinking that this was some guy who mistook her for some common whore. Eventually Toriyama had to hire gang members to kidnap her, put a paper bag over her head, chain her, tie her down with rope, handcuff her (which she found disturbingly kinky and was getting a lil turned on ), and stick her in the back of a blue serial killer van.

When they arrived at the set they unbound her and took the paper bag off her head. She was filmed from the time they let her go to the time she kicked the gansters asses and they knew just the perfect guy to set her up with.

Vegeta

Akira Toriyama had an easier time finding Vegeta. He use to do commercials for the famous kids shows such as "Blues Clues" "Dora the Explora", and of course who could forget "FACE" from the Nickelodeon Kid's special in the morning.

One day when filming as FACE he decided that he had had enough of kids shows. He was seen smiling on the camera in the color yellow saying his famous "Hi Kids" line when he snapped.

He dramatically walked off camera and walked over to his agent and proceeded to beat the shit out of him. The camera caught the violent random act and posted it all over the news and on the kids show. Akira Toriyama asked Vegeta no Ouji to join his show/comic and in return he would get Vegeta out of the whole he had recently dug himself in.

Five lawsuits from angry parents, three action films declined such as "Saving Private Ryan", "Independence Day", and "Men in Black", and one contract later Vegeta was signed on. Needless to say when he found those films he denied where top box films he was royally pissed and caused Toriyama to spend three months in the hospital with a coma. He was not fired, though, instead Toriyama had him marry the famous Bulma Briefs, gave him a nice rich setup, and a free never ending pass to an all you can eat buffe provided he didn't attempt to kill the writer again.

Vegeta happily took him up on the offer and even came up with a great line to let everyone know just how important he really was. However, shortly after being put on film he was thrown in a situation that almost caused him to quit his career as a married man/actor.

Goku/Kakarott

Goku's background is no secret. He was sent to earth to distory it but was found by his 'grandfather' Gohan who raised him until he got drunk one night and picked a fight with the very prestigious Ox King, who got tired of the old man's 'big talk' and had him 'takin' for a ride' where he could 'sleep with the fishes' in the middle of the desert buried up to his neck in the sand.

Goku lived out his life raised by toucans and became a world class singer. Akira Toriyama saw him perform one night with his newly adopted family and decided he needed a complete moron on the show and who better then a guy who lived in the woods in Japan raised by the majestic tropical Toucan. What the did not count on was he was a top student at Harvard Law and had a license as a lawyer. His pass time was looking up new words in the dictionary so better to expand his vocabulary. But he was a good enough actor to pretend to be the fool they needed.

When asked where his family was Goku told the sad tale of his grandfather picking a fight with the mafia. Akira found this past dramatic, heart breaking, but not enough to satisfy him. He wove an elaborate story about saiyans tuning into monkeys and said to the press that his cast member stomped his own grandfather to death.

What no one told him was who his father really was, whom Akira found on myspace, or where he had really come from. They would leave that up to the script. After sticking him with Bulma before they found Vegeta they decided it was time for him to find a wife.

Chichi

Chichi was the mafia princess to the infamous Ox "Gentleman Jonny" King. She was a raging alcoholic, a high school drop out, and had dreams of living as a star. Her father wanted her to talk on the 'family business' but she refused saying that she was going to be a great actress one day.

She heard about auditions being held for the role of a heart broken mother who was in love with her husband. She walked on stage and Goku fell in love. After being on the show with him for a year the two actually got married and had a son.

Gohan

Gohan was three years old when they first put him on the show. He was casted in the shadow of both of his successful parents. He was a crack head who enjoyed the occasional whore on the side. He was often times found in his room high as a kite and drunk as a skunk talking about how he wanted to die.

Goku and Chichi both felt it would be good to get him away from the real world and talked to Akira about putting him on the show when he got out of rehab. Akira thought it was a good idea to take him away from the real world and make him into a child star. Although Gohan now has not real grasp of how to live in the real world, no idea what it is like to have a job off camera, and just an all around spoiled little bastard, he is now drug free and we are all very proud of him.

Less then one episode later, however, he was kidnapped!

Raditz

Raditz is the long lost older brother of Goku, who, ironically, lived just two blocks away from him. As a child Raditz volunteered at the local animal shelter where he would heal sick animals that his brother (not knowing it was his brother) would tie fire crackers to and light them.

When he grew up he became a member of the piece core and even became leader of a peace movement against polluting the waters so as to keep sea creatures alive. By the time he was seventeen he was a lobbyist who spoke out against allowing children to play with violent video games and watching movies like American Pie Beta House. It was thanks to Raditz that the rating 'R' was invented so as to restrict children from seeing inappropriate films.

He was going in a debate against Akira Toriyama's new manga/anime when Toriayma gave him the choice of guest staring on the film so he could speak out about he importance of love and affection toward others. Raditz denied the claim so Akira promised him money and his own saga, like anything in politics, money and fame seduced Raditz and he agreed but when they started filming he was told he was to kill a farmer to make an 'example' of how violence could hurt.

His first act of hard core crime and he was addicted like Gohan is…ahem…was to crack. He even went so far as to say 'fuck the script' and kidnap his own nephew. He was later killed by his own brother and his brother PIC!

Piccolo

Piccolo was a farmer. He worked on a rice farm and after a long days work he liked to go to the local bar and hang out and get drunk with his friends. He was a real social guy until a tragic car accident that caused him to need a complete operation. The operation was a success and he lived, but his physical image was changed. He looked like a green alien, he forgot where he came from, he began to ignore his friends, he stopped working his farm.

One night when a young man asked if he wanted a drink Piccolo ignored the drunk and the drunk grew angry. Akira had walked into the bar for whatever reason and saw piccolo fighting the drunk young man and walked up to him. He told Piccolo of his new anime and said 'we can always use another alien terrorist'.

Piccolo agreed and became the second kidnapper of Gohan. To Akira's displeasure, Gohan and Piccolo grew close from spending so much time together on the set. Soon the two refused to fight and Akira had to completely rewrite the script and leave out a whole saga making the jump between Gohan's training strait to the trip to Namik But first they ahd to become reaquanted with a few old friends of Goku's.

Krillen

The first Keebler Elf! He made the best damn cookies in the whole tree and he knew it. But he had a dream, a dream to be a great fighter. He was shunned by the other elves for his dreams of saving the world. They called him crazy and shut him out of the tree.

Krillen stayed with many random friends and jumped from one job to the other, anything from fast food, to construction, to being the president's secretary for a short period of time until the copy machine incident.

One day he and his friends were having a party out on the beach when Krillen was the first to pass out at the party. As we all know you should NEVER be the first to pass out when among drunken friends. His friends wrote obscenities all over his face and pushed him out into the ocean on a small blow up draft. He wondered onto the tiny island where he met his first best friend, Goku, and his first Martial arts instructor, Hue Hefner. But Hefner was investing on his own magazine called "Playboy". Everyone said the pornographic magazine would never sell, shows how much they know. Hue was replaced with a different pervert named Roshi.

Yamcha

Yamcha was a quiet young boy. He never caused any problems or did anything illegal. He was actually that kid in the back of your class licking his pennies and talking to his notebook. He was also the kid in your arts and crafts class eating glue. He never partied, never went out with girls, and never made any friends. He claimed it was because he was really shy around girls but the sad truth was, he was just to weird for girls to talk to.

He ran away from home to become a water purifier for the army. He was sent on a mission to bring water to some troops but ran into Goku and Bulma on the way. Akira, at that point, had to put him in because he walked up to them right on the camera. When they cut him fans demanded to know who he was and where he had gone and why he was only in for a split second.

Needless to say, the troops who waited in the hot sun never got their water.

He later became Bulma's 'boyfriend' (cough cough boytoy cough) but it did not work out. Years in the army had almost made him into a normal guy and normal was not what Bulma was looking for. They broke out into a fight so dramatic it caused Bulma to dye her hair blue, pierce her belly button and temporarily change her name to Marmalade. Dr. Briefs said that if she at least changed her name back to Bulma he would let her have her be daddy's little princess and get everything she ever wanted again. Bulma agreed and changed her name back, not because dad asked her to, because she felt like it and don't any of you think any different!

Tien

Not much can be said about Tien. He was the result of an alcoholic who just would not stop drinking even while she was pregnant. When his father left she decided to take a long bath in some radioactive waist. There are not many people out there with three eyes Akira found him at a freak circus and offered him a better life. When asked why he continued to humiliate him and put him on camera his only response was 'some promises where made to be broken and this was one of them'.

Chaotzue

Even less is known about Chaotzue. He was a small time clown at the same freak show as Tien and the two grew to be close friends. When offered a job, Tien refused to work without Chaotzue. Akira Toriyama decided two freaks was better then no freaks.

Farmer with Shot gun

Raditz first victim, a.k.a farmer with shot gun, is simply that, some farmer with a shot gun who they put on camera. Carl was just doing his job like he did every day when suddenly a space ship crash landed on his land and cameras flooded his achers. When he told Akira Toriyama to leave, Akira simply had his saiyan invader kill Carl.

Nappa

Nappa was a world class ballet dancer. His pirouettes where widely known to everyone in the universe. Freeza saw what a large man he was and offered him a great job as a dancer. He agreed thinking that the icejin ment what he said but was let down when he found out that the only dancing he would be doing was a river dance down the path of evil. After he was killed by his PIC Vegeta, he decided to retire and become a ballet teacher to crippled children. 'We haven't won a competition yet,' he said 'but we are not giving up yet.'

Freeza

Freeza spent his childhood genderly confused. He was not sure if he was even a he. Freeza never hit puberty and wore a lot of make up. He was picked on in school which drove him to becoming evil. He swore revenge on the whole school so he blew up the cafeteria. He told himself it would end there. 20 years later he became the tyrant of outer space. He killed off most of the saiyan race, had many people destroyed, and refused to pay his taxes.

He employed the Ginue force to be his body gaurds, seeing as how he kept dancers around him as often as possible, and Zarbon as his right hand thing. He was almost killed by Goku but the job was done by another.

Ginue Force (I thinkthe spelling is wrong but I am to lazy to care)

The Ginue Force is a cheerleading squad that never made it to championship. They sided with Freeza because he promised he would help 'take home the gold' to this day they are still waiting on it.

Zarbon

Actually, most people don't know this, but Zarbon is actually a woman disguised as a man disguised as a woman disguised as a man. His frog like image is just an illusion to hide this when he gets mad.

Mirai Trunks

After breaking up with Yamcha Bulma decided to have a one night stand with Vegeta. The next morning she was pregnant with a child. She and Vegeta had a very 'adult' talk which included pointing fingers, both refusing to take any blame, name calling, shoving, and ended with both being sent to time out.

When the young boy was born Bulma named him Trunks. Trunks's father Vegeta was killed fighting against two androids so he was left alone with his egomaniac, sassy mother Bulma. He grew up dysfunctional and mentally unstable and at one point in his preteens he believed that aliens could read minds so made a tinfoil hat and named it Robert. His only friend was Gohan who was also killed by the androids. He had a pet cat, but the cat killed the neighbor's dog and the neighbors drowned it. The tragic moment sent Trunks into a spiral of depression. When he was 14 he was smoking cigarettes, stealing from his mother's purse, and robbing old ladies of their left shoes.

Akira found him using the five finger discount at the local gas station and decided that he could not have these shenanigans going on the set so he rewrote the character, paid Trunks double to pretend to be a nice guy, and informed the rest of the cast and crew to make sure that their wallets and/or purses where not picked.

Akira came up with the idea of sending him to the past to warn them of the future and help avoid time from repeating itself, not just for the hero's sakes or the story lines sake, but for the hopes that the Trunks of our time would not be the next guy to knock over a 7/11.

…………………..

Next time we will take a look at our hero's back stage to see what everyday life is like behind the camera!


End file.
